A woman has revealed how she lived as a trans man for four years before she detransitioned, dumped her female partner and started dating men.
Maddy Edwards, 25, from Lawton, Oklahoma, said she knew she was ‘different’ from the age of five and would pray to wake up as a boy – feeling more comfortable in boys’ clothing and desperate to arm wrestle with pals.
Growing up in a traditional Christian household, it wasn’t until she turned 14 that she even heard the term ‘transgender’.
After learning more about the trans community she launched a secret social media account under the name ‘Rider’ and would tuck her long hair into a beanie and use the hashtag ‘transman’ to share pictures.
Aged 19 she started to look into surgery and taking testerone, before completely changing her mind aged 23, when she started dating men and even became a mother.
‘I had never liked being a female or felt it was who I was supposed to be,’ she said
‘I thought I was meant to be a man. I never would have thought in a hundred years I would ever accept myself as a female.’
Aged 19, she cut hre hair short and started taking testosterone and went by the name Matthew, ending the relationship she had with her religious parents.
After seeing a counsellor and an endocrinologist, Maddy started weekly testosterone injections.
Three years later in 2020, Matthew was engaged to a woman and serious about medically transitioning – planning to have top surgery, a procedure where doctors remove breast tissue.
But in December 2020 Maddy, who works as an army ammunition plant worker, claims she heard the voice of God telling her that he had love for her ‘if only she would stop running from it’.
This encounter radically transformed the course of Maddy’s life and caused her to break up with her fiancée.
‘When I experienced how much love God had for me, it overflowed into self-love. I was able to accept myself exactly the way he created me [as a female]’ she said.
‘At the start, it was weird to be called a girl and hear people call me Maddy. Anytime anyone said Matt or Matty, I’d turn around. I’d dissociated myself from that identity for so long.
‘I’m now becoming more comfortable in my femininity.
‘I’m a mum to a little girl, it’s the coolest thing ever. I never saw myself becoming a mum. I always wanted to be a parent and a dad. I wanted to be a dad so bad, but I never pictured myself as a mum.
‘It’s so amazing.’
Maddy had started a new job picking plants in a greenhouse and because she didn’t have headphones with her to listen to music like usual, she opted to pray.
She claims it was like she ‘heard the voice of God’ speak to her.
‘That was the moment, my eyes were opened.’
Just a week after this happened, Maddy broke up with her fiancée, who she had been planning to buy a house with, and detransition back to being a girl.
Despite never previously accepting herself as a woman, Maddy found the encounter helped her to accept herself ‘the way God created her’.
Maddy said: ‘There were a lot of hugs and crying. It wasn’t sad though, I had this joy.
‘My fiancée was really understanding.
‘I didn’t think ‘this a sinful thing and you’ll go to hell’, I just didn’t find it appealing anymore.
‘I knew God had so much better plans for me and her, it wasn’t how he designed us to be.’
Maddy always felt different as both a child and teenager, and fully believed she was meant to be a man, especially due to her discomfort with her body when growing breasts during puberty.
Maddy said: ‘I remember praying several times on the top bunk of my little bunk bed as a child.
‘I’d say ‘Hey God, just wake me up 100 per cent a boy and don’t let anyone remember me as a girl’.
‘I fully believed a boy was who I was supposed to be.
‘It was only when I was 13 or 14 though that I actually learned the word transgender. I thought ‘wow this makes so much sense’.
‘I was looking at videos on YouTube of born females taking testosterone and getting top surgery to be transgender, and thought ‘oh that’s why I’m uncomfortable with my chest’.
‘I was dressing as a guy – putting my hair up in a beanie, trying to be this guy I thought I was. I felt a lot of euphoria doing it. I thought ‘this has to be right’.’
While it took some time to embrace her born gender, she now embraces her feminine identity and role as a mother – something she never imagined.
Maddy said: ‘Feeling like you are transgender is very real and I’m never going to say it isn’t real.
‘When I lived my life like that, I really felt that way.’