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John Oliver Tries to Bribe Supreme Court Justice with Millions

HBO’s “Last Week Tonight” host John Oliver offered to pay Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas $1 million annually in exchange for his departure from America’s highest court.

On Sunday, the eleventh season of Oliver’s talk show premiered as he voiced his allegedly serious bribe to the Supreme Court Justice.

“One million dollars a year for the rest of your life, if you simply agree to leave the Supreme Court immediately and never come back,” Oliver said about his “special offer.”

Oliver stated that he believed the nation’s Supreme Court is at “a breaking point.” The liberal talk host suggested a variety of proposals, from an enforceable ethics code to term limits to expanding the number of justices, to fix the court.

“Clarence Thomas is arguably the most consequential justice on the court right now, and he’s never really seemed to like the job. He said, ‘It’s not worth doing for the grief.’ So, what if he can keep the luxury perks he clearly enjoys without having to endure all of that grief,” Oliver continued.

The late night host held up a contract to assure audience members that his offer to Thomas was, in fact, real.

“If you watch our show, you know jokes aren’t really our thing. This is real. A million dollars a year until you or I die,” Oliver said.

The comedian said that he had conversations with legal experts who assured him that he wasn’t breaking any laws by offering to pay Thomas.

“Which seems crazy to me because it really feels like it shouldn’t be. But as they keep pointing out, there are no rules in place to stop me from doing this. And let me be clear: HBO is not putting up the money for this. I am personally on the hook,” he said. “You can make me really regret this. I could be doing standup tours to pay for your retirement for years.”

Oliver went on to say that his offer will only be available to Thomas for 30 days. To provide additional incentive, Oliver tacked on a $2.4 million tour bus to his cash-loaded offer.

“A million dollars a year and a brand-new condo on wheels and all you have to do in return is sign the contract and get the f— off the Supreme Court,” Oliver said. “Thirty days, Clarence. Let’s do this… Your move, Clarence. Your f—–g move.”

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READ 42 COMMENTS
  • Dr says:

    Somebody should offer John Oliver his life to get out of journalism

  • Louis Galmarini says:

    Some ASSHOLES will do/say whatever it takes to stay – relevant. It’s why they’re still not – relevant. But they’ll continue to get that extra 15 minutes of fame. Ooh! Look at me! Look at what I said to get attention! ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE, ASSHOLE!

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